My wife is not fit to raise our child


At first, our life was relatively peaceful and I entrusted any money and wedding gifts we received to my wife. Every month, I give everything I’ve earned but not spent yet to my wife.

My wife has always seen my money as hers and I’m not allowed access to it once it’s in her hands. My wife, on the other hand, spends a huge amount of our funds on herself. I didn’t realize this until much later.

After buying an air conditioner to prepare for the birth of our son, I incurred some debt and had no money to give to my wife. Ever since then, every time we talk, no matter how much I try to change the subject, my wife keeps asking me about how much money I have. She says hurtful things to pressure me into giving her money.

I feel extremely worried about not only myself, but more importantly about our son’s future. Usually, firstborns will receive help from the mother’s family, but because my wife’s parents didn’t have the means to do so, my parents offered to help. For three months after the birth my wife did nothing but constantly look down on my parents and take their help for granted.

A small child is supposed to be showered with love, but my wife constantly forces our son to drink multivitamins. I did my research and found out that consuming too much multivitamins could harm children so I tried to stop her.

Our son was frightened from being forced to consume those things even though he just started to learn to swallow. Sometimes, my wife forces our son to drink water while he is crying, regardless of how dangerous that could be. I tried to stop her to no avail.

When I asked my wife to visit my family during Tet, she threw a tantrum and refused to help me, embarrassing me in front of my relatives. Since then, out of nowhere my wife started accusing me of gambling, drinking and cheating, destroying my reputation with people around us, so much so that they told me to divorce her.

I didn’t say anything because I thought she was having postpartum depression, but these things have been happening so much that I’ve started having a mental breakdown. When my son was 8 months old I told myself that I would talk to my wife about this after he turned one year old.

From then until our son’s first birthday, I didn’t say a word to my wife. She took our son to live at her parents’ house without telling me and my family. But then every few weeks she would argue with her mother and come back to us, only to leave again for her family in another few weeks.

She didn’t care how much our son cried from missing his dad and his paternal grandparents. As our son’s birthday approached, my wife didn't bother to ask about birthday party preparations, she just dropped him off at my house on the day. I was too anxious to invite any guests so I just held my anger in.

When I was a bit tipsy from drinking with my wife’s siblings, she constantly tried provoking me to get violent with her, but I managed to stay silent and go home to sleep. The next day, I handed her the divorce paper, hoping she would change her behavior out of love for our son.

I was wrong. My wife packed her bag and went back to her family while my parents and I were away. I didn’t bother to visit my in-laws because I knew that all they would give me is contempt.

When we met at the court, I didn’t want my wife to fight for custody so I gave her all my assets, because I just want my son to be with me and my parents. I thought that I could have full custody because I have a stable job and can provide a better life for my son.

My wife doesn’t have a job, has no savings and no means of taking care of him. When I received the court’s decision that mothers automatically get full custody of their children less than 36 months old, I had a full-on mental breakdown.

It has only been 4 months since my wife brought my son to her parents, but my son’s physical and mental condition has collapsed. I started bawling like a baby when I saw him like that. But when my wife would allow my son to visit his dad and paternal grandparents, he was like a tree being watered and coming alive.

I was a bit less worried then. But now, when I think about the fact that he has to live at that place, I’m so worried that I can’t eat or sleep. I feel powerless and desperate.

I would sacrifice everything for my son, but fate forced him to live with a mother like that. Sometimes I thought of risking it all for him. But if I do that, how much worse will my son’s future be?

I don’t know if I should appeal against the court's decision or wait until my son turns 36 months old.

I hope you can give me some advice.


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